How have you been lately?

I wish I had the courage to ask how's life for you. But I fear rejection and ignorance so much now. Where did my usual self disappeared to even sigh. You had your UT earlier on, i wished you goodluck and to takecare of yourself. It took me a long time just to press that send button. You replied a simple thanks with the smiley face emoji, it made me happy cos you replied. It felt like those days where we first started out. Getting all those butterflies in my tummy whenever i see your name lighting up on my phone. I wish you knew how much i love you, but my love for you is deep and meaningless. Today i watched pee mak. The ending was so touching, i cried so badly cos it reminded me of you. The sweet side of you. The words you once said to me. The way you cared for me. The way you got jealous. My heart is afraid of you falling for the other girls in your class cos you have a charismatic character. I can't help to feel this way. Other boys text me but i just don't have that interest to reply much cosy heart just starts thinking of you each time, and so i just pushed them away. I wish it was you who texted me instead. One simple text can also make my day. I love you idiot. Wish you all the luck for your UTs and do well. Don't ever give up on yourself. Don't smoke so much and get enough rest :')

I'm tired, so let me be broken.

                                             
                                            
17June // Today, I synced all our previous photos from my dslr and previous phone into my iphone. I cried so badly while looking at the photos. I miss you so badly, not that strong as I thought I was. 16June, I send you two long messages, but I got ignored totally, not even a reply. You don't know how much that hurts. It felt like all along your love was a lie maybe. The joke is on me for loving you so much. I mentioned that I'm not gonna bother you anymore, but words are so easy to say. I just miss you so badly. I act like i'm strong enough, but actually i'm losing myself, dying a little on the inside. I don't wanna feel this way anymore. It's ruining everything of me. Who really understands this feeling? No one at all. I wish you could read my blog, but at the same time no. Cos I will still be see as that pathetic clingy little girl in your eyes. Don't know when will be the next time i see your name lighting up on my name, don't know when i will ever see you again, don't know when i will ever hear your voice again. Will we ever get back? If only you could read my heart, you will most probably be in tears. I miss everything about you, but still you're gone.
                                          

I'm still loving you.

Loving the right person at the wrong time,
having the wrong person when the time is right
and finding out you love someone
right after that person walks out of your life.
and sometimes, you think you’re already over a person,
but when you see them smile at you,
you’ll suddenly realize that you’re just pretending to be over them
to ease the pain of knowing that they will never be yours again.
for some, they think that letting go
is one way of expressing how much you love the person..
and some are afraid to see the one they love
being held by someone else.
most relationships tend to fail
not because of the absence of love.
love is always present. 
it’s just that one was being loved too much
and the other was being loved too little.
as we all know that the heart is the center of the body
but it beats on the left.
maybe that’s the reason why the heart is not always right.
most often, we fall in love with the person we think we love
but only to discover that for them,
we are just to pass the time.
while the one who truly loves us
remains either a friend or a stranger.

The wait.

Why must all good things come to an end eventually? What best friends, bullshit. Eventually, we are just strangers with memories. It hurts,i can't let it go. Texting you but always ended up getting ignored, it sucks. Maybe you found someone better, i rlly dk and i hope not too. I will wait for you vincent lim jun hao. My heart's stuck on you :')