How have you been lately?

I wish I had the courage to ask how's life for you. But I fear rejection and ignorance so much now. Where did my usual self disappeared to even sigh. You had your UT earlier on, i wished you goodluck and to takecare of yourself. It took me a long time just to press that send button. You replied a simple thanks with the smiley face emoji, it made me happy cos you replied. It felt like those days where we first started out. Getting all those butterflies in my tummy whenever i see your name lighting up on my phone. I wish you knew how much i love you, but my love for you is deep and meaningless. Today i watched pee mak. The ending was so touching, i cried so badly cos it reminded me of you. The sweet side of you. The words you once said to me. The way you cared for me. The way you got jealous. My heart is afraid of you falling for the other girls in your class cos you have a charismatic character. I can't help to feel this way. Other boys text me but i just don't have that interest to reply much cosy heart just starts thinking of you each time, and so i just pushed them away. I wish it was you who texted me instead. One simple text can also make my day. I love you idiot. Wish you all the luck for your UTs and do well. Don't ever give up on yourself. Don't smoke so much and get enough rest :')

I'm tired, so let me be broken.

                                             
                                            
17June // Today, I synced all our previous photos from my dslr and previous phone into my iphone. I cried so badly while looking at the photos. I miss you so badly, not that strong as I thought I was. 16June, I send you two long messages, but I got ignored totally, not even a reply. You don't know how much that hurts. It felt like all along your love was a lie maybe. The joke is on me for loving you so much. I mentioned that I'm not gonna bother you anymore, but words are so easy to say. I just miss you so badly. I act like i'm strong enough, but actually i'm losing myself, dying a little on the inside. I don't wanna feel this way anymore. It's ruining everything of me. Who really understands this feeling? No one at all. I wish you could read my blog, but at the same time no. Cos I will still be see as that pathetic clingy little girl in your eyes. Don't know when will be the next time i see your name lighting up on my name, don't know when i will ever see you again, don't know when i will ever hear your voice again. Will we ever get back? If only you could read my heart, you will most probably be in tears. I miss everything about you, but still you're gone.
                                          

I'm still loving you.

Loving the right person at the wrong time,
having the wrong person when the time is right
and finding out you love someone
right after that person walks out of your life.
and sometimes, you think you’re already over a person,
but when you see them smile at you,
you’ll suddenly realize that you’re just pretending to be over them
to ease the pain of knowing that they will never be yours again.
for some, they think that letting go
is one way of expressing how much you love the person..
and some are afraid to see the one they love
being held by someone else.
most relationships tend to fail
not because of the absence of love.
love is always present. 
it’s just that one was being loved too much
and the other was being loved too little.
as we all know that the heart is the center of the body
but it beats on the left.
maybe that’s the reason why the heart is not always right.
most often, we fall in love with the person we think we love
but only to discover that for them,
we are just to pass the time.
while the one who truly loves us
remains either a friend or a stranger.

The wait.

Why must all good things come to an end eventually? What best friends, bullshit. Eventually, we are just strangers with memories. It hurts,i can't let it go. Texting you but always ended up getting ignored, it sucks. Maybe you found someone better, i rlly dk and i hope not too. I will wait for you vincent lim jun hao. My heart's stuck on you :')

We're not broken, just bend and we can learn to love again.

After so long, i'm back here again.

You, yes you. I miss you so badly. Everything about you. I don't know if this is considered a breakup. But life sucks without you. No texts, no calls no more seeing of you. I love you so much, but i guess it wasn't enough for you to stay. You were always there for me, be it the happy or sad times. You will always be the first one that i wanna share everything with. I still remembered our ninenth month of not being officially together, we went Timbre. And you asked me to be your girlfriend along with nine roses cos you know i love flowers and it was also our nine month. I wish that moment could last for eternity.

Ever since poly started, things changed. Sometimes, things between us were rocky, sometimes it was smooth. Despite all this, it's still you. But i guess time and distance changed your heart, and you probably was sick of all these shit that happened between us. I'm the fool who continued to love you wholeheartedly despite that we were of different schools now.

A few days back, you suggested a breakup. It was so sudden, i can't take it. It sucks to be crying and breaking down while doing my assignments halfway, or even shower time. Everything i do, you just appeared in my head. Going to school looking like a zombie and everything.This heartbreak really sucks so badly. I wish i could rewind time and change away everything. I wish i could still be the girl you once love so much. I wish i could still wake up to a morning with your good morning texts, and fall asleep at night with a goodnight text from you. I wish things between us never changed. I wish we didn't went to different schools.

No texts, no calls, nothing from you. And so I took the initiative and I got ignored most of the times. It hurts badly to be ignored by the one you love. At times, I feel dejected, and just really wanna go fuck this, let it go. But i know my heart can't. And that's why i tried times and times again. You are worth it, worth the fight, that's what i always tell myself. But how long can i stay strong for? Afterall, i'm still human. I have feelings too..... It sucks to fall asleep with a heavy heart.

Finally updating this space after so many months. Life's great so far, enjoying my holidays working at mel's uss. I swear my workmates are really fun and jokers. Even though it's a tough and tiring job, having awesome colleagues is the main reason why i dont wanna leave. Had many memorable outings with the boy too as well.
 Went for a short getaway with the boy at batam earlier this year. Even though it was just a 2D1N trip, i surely enjoyed myself. Had seafood lunch at some famous seafood restaurant, didn't really enjoyed it though. Also got some yummy tidbits and handmade kueh lapis cake. We also went to malaysia for a day just before the cny period. Had lots of yummy food. Miss the loklok so much!!
Had steamboat at his sister's place during one of the cny days with my workmates as well. It was really a great night well spend with them. Slept over at his sister's place, and we cooked breakfast together the next day.

Forever and always.

So hey, finally i'm having my one week of holidays. Life's good so far with le boy. I feel so blessed to have him in my life cos his small little actions and words never fails to make my day. Yesterday we visited the Gardens by the bay together. We were supposed to meet at 1pm below my blk, but silly us, didn't text each other, and ended up waiting for 45mins. So I waited for him at home to arrive, but all along he was waiting below haha. We took the bus to Amk supposingly to catch Imperfect, but the silly boy couldn't get in cos it was nc16. So change of plans, we went to Bayfront and did some window shopping and had cold rock ice cream at Marina bay sands. We then headed to Gardens by the bay. It was so hard to locate the place, and my leg was a bitch cos of the blisters from my new creepers. Silly boy helped me to do the plasters on my leg, and even did a handmade rose for me cos he made me angry the night before. Gimme a second chance again, I dont think ever wanna go there again cos it's kinda boring. We walked till it was around 7pm, and decided to train down to plaza sing for dinner at Pastamania! Overall, it was a great boy with the boy. <3

Even though my life is far from perfect, I wouldn’t wish to be anybody else, because nobody else has you. I do. You’ve picked me off of the ground, and you gave me what I needed when I needed it the most. You gave me a friend. You gave me someone I could count on, someone I could trust. Someone I know would always be there when I fell; You’re always going to be there waiting to catch me. You saw the beauty in me through my imperections. You held my hand when times were hard, and you’re  still walking me through everything I could have been struggling with on my own. We’ve had a long journey together, and I know anybody else wouldn’t have stood by my side, but I’m glad you’re different. I’m glad you believed in me. I’m glad I hoped and prayed for happniess because it finally came to me. I was given the gift of love. I was given you. I’ve never been more myself but when I’ve been by your side. You love my natural beauty and everything else I was insecure about. You’ve taken my battered heart, and mened it back to being heathly. I’ve come with a lot of bagage that I have no control over having. I didnt’ ask for what I was given in life, nor is it easy to go through but when you walked in to my life. I knew for a fact  that everything happens for a reason. And I truly believe that you’re a reason for it all . You are in my life to balance out the bad with good. I’m glad that I took one look at you and changed my mind about you being no different then any other person who wouldn’t understand. It took me one glance to know there was more to you then what you I thought there was. I finally understood the true meaning, of don’t judge a book by it’s cover. I wanted to open you like a book, and read everything there was to know about you. I wanted all of your secerts, I wanted the mysterys, the jokes, the painful memories, your happy memories, your favorite times with your family and friends. I wanted to be apart of your story the more I got know you, the more I read the more I fell in love with you.  It took me a week to fall in love with you, and I knew when I looked into your eyes, that I wanted nothing more in the world but to be in your happy ending.